#but he was so incredibly in pain when pitou took off his arm and i think that his feeling of ''deserving'' it won't just go away

[timeskip]

I like the idea of Gon keeping scars from the times he lost his arms even though he got magic-healed both times... Like he has a line where Nanika's power stitched his body back to how it used to be, and it's barely visible but it's there. And on his left arm there's a place where the skin stretches where Angel's Breath healed the exploded-off hand. Just a different texture where he used to have a wound. I know this goes against what Angel's Breath *is* but augh. aughhh. Gon...

Also, related in a way to how he's perfectly healed, I believe that Gon would rather ignore what happened to him. I don't think he's torn up about the choice he made in Greed Island, except that maybe post-canon he could reflect on it and realize how his recklessness put himself in unnecessary danger, maybe, but with the arm he lost fighting Pitou I think it DOES hurt him. That was such a big, suicidal moment that he had to live through, and there's definitely affects on his mentality if nothing else.

But I think Gon DOES push aside his painful thoughts (the way he does throughout all of CAA) and like... being healed perfectly, going home, being able to be a normal kid who has all this untouched trauma, I think that this lets him just... stop thinking about it. Which is a good thing for a time! Let this boy live without being constantly reminded of his trauma! But it's also something he's going to have to think on eventually. It's not something he can just ignore. So I think having a small scar would be interesting, so that the pain he went through isn't something he can just... feel like it was a dream, or something. Something that didn't matter and which he can ignore. It's something that does still affect him, and he HAS to realize that instead of thinking that since it's physically over he should be fine :')

[decembercamiecherries]

hi sorry to bother you but i somehow came across starry x eyed and i just wanted to let you know that i love it????? if you ever decide to write the whole fic i will definitely be here

Oh, you’re not a bother at all! I find it really flattering, actually, that someone found starry x eyed and liked it enough to send me this ask, so thank you! ^-^

I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish this, the idea’s been done before and I have a hard time continuing it….but here’s what I have so far, as a thank you (I wrote this back in 2016 and totally unedited so be warned lol):

“Leave me! Now!”

Kite’s warning comestoo late. There’s a flash, and blood flies through the air in a wide arc. Gon’seyes widen and his mouth opens in a silent scream, but he’s too slow, too slow,too slow. Kite’s arm lands with athud behind them before Gon can do so much as blink.

The thing is curledin a hunch between them and Kite. Blocking their path. Gon feels a fury boilover inside him and his hands turn into white knuckled fists. He’s ready totake this creature on, to reach Kite, to fight-

Then it looks overits shoulder. A pulse ripples through the air as its gaze fixates on them.

Gon’s blood turns toice at the hungry interest in its eyes. It takes half a second for him torealize that desire is not directed at him. It’s not even directed at Kite.

It’s Killua. Thecreature wants Killua.

“Why,” the chimera antpurrs as it slides into a standing position. “-don’t you have some pretty eyes.Like gems. Would you mind if I took them from you?”

Killua is a statuebesides him and Gon’s paralyzing fear turns into burning anger in half asecond. He doesn’t care what that thing wants; it can’t have Killua. He shifts his weight so he can defend hisbest friend, sees Kite crouch low to the ground-

Pain explodes in hisskull. Everything goes black.

-

When Gon wakes up,he’s lying on a bed somewhere he doesn’t recognize. The sunlight is bright butthe sheets feel cold. It takes a heartbeat to realize what’s missing, whathappened before he passed out.

He throws himselfforward, heart jumping to his throat. His blood is roaring in his ears and hishands are shaking. Where is Killua? He looks frantically around the room. Where is Killua?!

His gaze lands onKite, who sits in a chair across the room. There are bandages wrapped aroundthe arm that was injured by that- that creature, but he’s alive. And Gon isgrateful, really, but it doesn’t stop the churning anxiety in the pit of hisstomach.

He says hoarsely,“Kite.”

The man glances up andhis stare is heavy in the worst way. Kite doesn’t speak. He’s scared to ask,but he needs to know. Gon swallowsthickly. “Kite. What happened? Where’s Killua?”

Kite pins him downwith flat blue eyes. He says quietly, “I’m sorry, Gon.”

Gon just looks atKite, uncomprehending.

“I couldn’t save him.The Chimera Ant wanted him, took him before I could do anything. I wasn’t fast orpowerful enough to stop it.”

There’s a dull roarin the back of Gon’s mind. It’s blocking out everything Kite’s saying. It can’tbe true. It just can’t. Kite is the strongest Hunter they’ve met, if hecouldn’t get to Killua, then- then-

No. Killua is- Killuais the most incredible people Gon’s ever seen. He wouldn’t just let himself getcaught like that.

“What are you saying,Kite?” Gon asks.

Kite regards him withsomething that must be similar pity but Gon doesn’t understand why. Killua isalive. He can’t be gone. It’s not possible. Without Killua, Gon is. Is.

“The Chimera Ant tookKillua, Gon. At this point, he’s most likely dea-”

Gon is suddenly screaming,“DON’T SAY THAT! DON’T YOU DARE!!”

Kite’s mouth shutswith a click. Gon’s breathing is erratic and he can’t stop the way his chest isheaving. He didn’t mean to shout. But it’s wrong for Kite to go saying lieslike that. It’s insulting. Killua can’t die.

It takes five minutesfor him to calm down enough to speak again.

“I’m sorry,” hemanages to say finally.

“It’s alright.”

“But Killua- he’s notgone. Even though the Chimera Ant took him, it doesn’t matter, you know? I’mgonna get him back.”

Kite closes his book,one handed. “You’re going to have to be a lot stronger if you’re going to fightthe Ants.”

Gon nodded,determined. “That’s okay. It doesn’t matter how hard I have to train. Me andKillua are best friends, I won’t ever leave him behind. I’ll get stronger andfind him. No matter what! And then we’re going to finish finding Ging together.I know we will.”

Gon’s eyes areshining and he can feel himself beaming. He can’t help it. Killua is his firstand dearest friend. Gon wouldn’t have gotten this far without him and they’dgrown and accomplished so much together!

Don’tworry, Killua, Gonthinks as he clenches his hands into white-knuckled fists. Nen dances acrosshis skin and shrouds him in white-hot aura. I’llget you out of there in no time, so just hang on until I’m powerful enough tofind you!

Off to the side, Kitestudies him with an unreadable expression but says nothing.

-

Killua doesn’t wakeup in a bed, or even in a room.

When he finallycracks his eyes open, he finds himself in a dark cave. Or, it looks like a cavein a way that it has dark walls and a rock-hard ground. It doesn’t feel like one though; the air pulses,heavy with humidity, and the smell of rotting bodies is almost enough to makehim gag. Even worse than that is overwhelming presence of…something. Something bad, really bad. Something that’s worse thananything he’s ever faced before.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

The question makesKillua freeze.

He knows that voice.It spoke to him, just him, back when he was with Kite and Gon-

Gon.

He jerks up into asitting position. “Gon- ngh.”

He slaps a hand tohis forehead, barely holding back a hiss of pain. A stabbing headache attackshis brain. Its relentless in its fury, making it nearly impossible toconcentrate. Through the haze, he realizes his whole body hurts, not just hishead. He can see cuts and scrapes dotting the pale skin of his hand and he canfeel their sting under his clothes.

His mouth goes dry.What had that creature done to him?!

He raises his eyes tosee the cat-like Chimera Ant that had sliced Kite’s arm off. It stood a gooddistance off, its head tilted to one side as it watched him, fixated.

Killua fights down ashudder. He refuses to show weakness to this- this thing.

“What-” He bites hislip to stop himself from crying out. The headache is getting worse with eachword he speaks.

He starts again,“What do- ungh- you want with me?”

“Who says I wantanything from you?” it asks.

Killua grits histeeth. “You wouldn’t take me for no reason. I’m nowhere near as strong as Kite;if you wanted someone more powerful than me, you could’ve had him. So you musthave a specific reason for choosing me instead.”

The creature smilesand Killua can’t help himself from staring: rows of sharp, knife-like teethglitter in the low light.

“Pretty and smart,” it purrs. “You really arethe whole package. But can your abilities back you up?”

Killua’s head feelslike it’s being sliced open. The cave sways slightly as he says, “Wha-”

The Ant is in is facebefore he can blink. There’s a sharp sting across his face and then he’s flyingthrough space, suddenly airborne. He has a split second to think- I have to stop moving- when his backcollides into a boulder.

All air leaves hislungs and stars explode across his vision. He collapses in a heap, coughing sohard he tastes the tang of iron on his tongue.

“Hm. Not as fast as Iwould have hoped, but I suppose there’s always room for improvement.”

Killua spats out amouthful of blood. It splatters on the ground. More dribbles from his lips.Disgusting. Blood was never anything but that: ugly, gross and morbid.

A flash of nostalgiahits him and he’s five years old again, staring down at his first murder. Theman was triple his age but weak in body and mind. It had been easy to kill him.He had died on the floor of his own kitchen as blood pooled around his feet.Killua had thought the sight was gross then, too.

The only differencenow, is that its Killua’s blood onthe ground, and not some random-ass stranger he’d been paid to kill.

Killua clenches hishands so tightly his knuckles turn white. Blood rushes under his skin. Aftereverything he’s been through, after meeting Gon,there is no way in hell he is going to die the same way as the weak strangerthat had been his first kill.

He slowly raises his headand glares at the Ant with eyes as hard as ice. The creature towers over himnow, hands on hips, its tail swishing back and forth.

It grins, pupilsdilating, and says, “C’mon. Let’s have some fun.”

-

Pitou doesn’tnecessarily like using Doctor Brythe.She can’t use any other nen with it in practice, which leaves her with astrange vulnerable sensation, and she’s forced to stay in her given locationfor however long its activated. All and all, it’s a complicated but boringtechnique, one that makes her back stiff from staying in a single place toolong and her claws twitch with impatience.

So she opts forwatching the white-haired boy laid out in front of her to pass the time.

She comments off-handedly,“This is the fifth time you’ve broken that arm. Do you have a preference forthat specific limb? Or do you just like having your bones snapped in half likethat?”

The boy’s lips pressinto a thin line but he doesn’t open those gorgeous blue eyes of his. Sometimesshe wants to tear them out and put them in a jar someplace just so she canalways look at them…

“No, I don’t,” hegrounds out, distracting her. “No one likesgetting hurt. You’d have to be stupid, or insane, to think like that.”

“Yet, you stillsomehow find a way.”

He snaps, “That’sonly because you’re making me! As if I’d ever try to take on ten Chimera Antsquadron leaders in a row!”

He has a point there.She cups her chin in one hand as she regards him thoughtfully. If he wasn’t beingforced to test squadron leader abilities, what would he be doing right now? Sheknew next to nothing about this boy she captured. The only thing she caredabout at the time was his beauty, and his strength.

She won’t lie; thestrength part had been a little disappointing at first. He was gifted, yes, butalso painfully underdeveloped and inexperienced. She had purposefully submittedhim to these one-on-one battles with the hope he would improve exponentially.

And that he had.

She plops down on theground beside him and folds her legs.

“What was that thingyou did with Rammont a few days ago? I’m just dying to know. You’ve nearlytripled your speed and skill abilities since then